EA's attempt at funneling its gamers through a pretentious, under-developed social network (that'd be Origin) is not unknown to players of Battlefield 3 -- the system disconnects players from servers if connectivity to the browser interface is interrupted, it demands that anti-virus software is disabled, and works only partially on some of the most widely-used browsers.
Luckily for us, EA has come up with a solution.
"We've looked at the numbers, and it would appear that the number of people who have figured out how to use Origin are surprisingly low," an EA rep told us, "for this reason, we've decided that achievements should be offered for figuring out how to join a server."
We pressed further on this development and found that -- yes -- they are indeed adding achievements rather than fixing the mechanical issues in the back-end. When asked for a list of achievements for press purposes, we were given a "shortlist" teaser of the following (EA and DICE have planned upwards of 50 achievements for Origin, one for each function and button on the website):
Operating Enduring Patience: After spending a disproportionate amount of time disabling software and switching browsers to figure out what's conflicting, assuming your friends do the same, your entire party gains this achievement when joining a server together.
"Damn it! I was just in your squad!": This achievement is only acquired when two or more players attempt to join through a party and into the same team and squad; once the players have successfully been placed on the same team, they must then complete the "boss level" and join the same squad. This achievement is earned twice on servers that are full.
Weapons Cache: Unlocked only after a player has cleared his browser cache a minimum of ten times in order to play Battlefield 3, this achievement is granted for figuring out how to "appear online" to Origin (curseth you, oh evil 'you don't exist' message!).
Simpleton: If you can successfully initiate a multiplayer session with Battlefield 3's Origin interface, you gain this achievement.
Forever Alone No More: Players will earn this achievement for figuring out how to add friends on both the Origin client and on the Origin website; this achievement is earned twice if players manage to synchronize friend lists.
Achievement Unlocked: Achievement Unlocked: As we playfully have dubbed it in the GN offices, "achievception" -- this achievement is gained for successfully unlocking the above achievements without accidentally deleting your account.
The achievement pack can be purchased for just $4.99.
In other news, we've heard that new weapons are being added for Engineers -- from what our spies have told us, future patches will allow engineer classes to fire "KSOD rounds" from their RPGs, effectively subjecting struck players to a 'black screen of death.'